It snowed here in Atlanta this afternoon and evening, "burying" us in four or five inches of white. For all of you in places where you have multiple FEET of snow right now, I know you might laugh, but around here you just don't go anywhere when that happens since all the roads become slushy ice rinks and people are not experienced enough to drive on them. I grew up in Michigan and Indiana, so I know snow, but we don't have snow plows and salt trucks enough to go around in the South, and so the city just shuts down when this happens. For years, they will likely talk about this as "The Blizzard of 2010."

So I enjoyed staying home on this quiet Friday night and watching the snow fall. Then I snuggled under a blanket to watch TV, played a little guitar, and went to bed early. It's the first night in weeks (maybe months?) when I actually went to bed fairly early AND could have slept in late, and I was so excited! However, at 4am, even with the world so quiet and peaceful and covered in white, for some reason I am wide awake again.

It's not uncommon for me to have difficulty sleeping these days. I've tried lots of common natural sleep aids [no more advice needed, LOL], but I think it's more about what God is doing in me, through me, and around me …and how I'm processing it all. I have journaled more in the last few months than I really have in the last three years. I have begun writing songs from a different well than I've experienced in a long time, and sense God stirring things inside of me that I had almost forgotten were there. I suppose there are times it feels almost exciting, but times it's nearly terrifying. Brokenness will do that to you, I guess.

I have so much on my mind most of the time that my mind spins relentlessly [and this is one of those times] that I really don't know where to start! I probably have a hundred blog topics brewing after so much blog-silence these last seven months…so I suppose I just need to pick one and roll with it. Perhaps my posts will begin to happen more frequently again. Some of that has not been for lack of desire, but lack of time and energy in the midst of a physically and emotionally draining season of life. This post may be less me sharing my own thoughts than really sharing how the thoughts of others have helped me through.

I suppose what is heaviest on my heart at the moment is how God is our rescuer. Sometimes we don't even know we need to be rescued. Sometimes we are so blinded by our own pride or by the unspoken "rules" to life that we think there's just no other way, this is just how it is, and we just keep living in the mess. We don't know any differently, and we are full of shame to admit our need for rescue even if we know we are quite frankly stuck in the muck.

I love how Job puts it so plainly:

"And now my life drains out, as suffering seizes and grips me hard. Night gnaws at my bones; the pain never lets up. I am tied hand and foot, my neck in a noose. I twist and turn. Thrown facedown in the muck, I'm a muddy mess, inside and out." (Job 30:16-19, The Message)

Ever found yourself there, and you didn't even know really how you got there?

In the midst of my trials these last seven months, there are a number of songs that have helped carry me through when I had no voice of my own - when all I had was tears. There are songs that God sang over me in my deepest pits of despair, in moments where the muck and mire was like quicksand and I was sinking under the weight of all the enemy was pressing down upon me. One that has risen to the top of my "repeat" playlist on my roughest of days is one by Matt Redman off his latest record:

YOU ALONE CAN RESCUE
Matt Redman

Who, O Lord, could save themselves
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still

And You alone can rescue, You alone can save
You alone can lift us from the grave
You came down to find us, led us out of death
To You alone belongs the highest praise

You, O Lord, have made a way
The great divide You healed
For when our hearts were far away
Your love went further still
Yes, Your love goes further still

And You alone can rescue, You alone can save
You alone can lift us from the grave
You came down to find us, led us out of death
To You alone belongs the highest praise

We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You're the giver of life
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You're the giver of life

I am so thankful that we have a Savior who is a rescuer, who lifts us UP and OUT of the mess. He comes in when we feel nearly suffocated and breathes life into us again. He restores, He heals, He makes new. This is our God.

Psalm 40 has also been a great place for me to hang out these days as a reminder that He is the God who rescues. Check out this version in The Message:

1-3 I waited and waited and waited for GOD.
At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch,
pulled me from deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock
to make sure I wouldn't slip.
He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,
a praise-song to our God.
More and more people are seeing this:
they enter the mystery,
abandoning themselves to GOD.

4-5 Blessed are you who give yourselves over to GOD,
turn your backs on the world's "sure thing,"
ignore what the world worships;
The world's a huge stockpile
of GOD-wonders and God-thoughts.
Nothing and no one
comes close to you!
I start talking about you, telling what I know,
and quickly run out of words.
Neither numbers nor words
account for you.

6 Doing something for you, bringing something to you -
that's not what you're after.
Being religious, acting pious -
that's not what you're asking for.
You've opened my ears
so I can listen.

7-8 So I answered, "I'm coming.
I read in your letter what you wrote about me,
And I'm coming to the party
you're throwing for me."
That's when God's Word entered my life,
became part of my very being.

9-10 I've preached you to the whole congregation,
I've kept back nothing, GOD - you know that.
I didn't keep the news of your ways
a secret, didn't keep it to myself.
I told it all, how dependable you are, how thorough.
I didn't hold back pieces of love and truth
For myself alone. I told it all,
let the congregation know the whole story.

11-12 Now GOD, don't hold out on me,
don't hold back your passion.
Your love and truth
are all that keeps me together.
When troubles ganged up on me,
a mob of sins past counting,
I was so swamped by guilt
I couldn't see my way clear.
More guilt in my heart than hair on my head,
so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out.

13-15 Soften up, GOD, and intervene;
hurry and get me some help,
So those who are trying to kidnap my soul
will be embarrassed and lose face,
So anyone who gets a kick out of making me miserable
will be heckled and disgraced,
So those who pray for my ruin
will be booed and jeered without mercy.

16-17 But all who are hunting for you -
oh, let them sing and be happy.
Let those who know what you're all about
tell the world you're great and not quitting.
And me? I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing:
make something of me.
You can do it; you've got what it takes -
but God, don't put it off.

Isn't that incredible??? This is our God. He is great, and He's not quitting. He never slumbers or sleeps. All those nights you lie awake, He is right there with you. He is never unaware of what you're going through. He is the Great Redeemer and can take anything the enemy intended to harm you and turn it into something beautiful, redemptive, miraculous. Believe it. This is our God.

Even now, with the blanket of white covering the ground, I am reminded of another song on my "repeat" playlist that speaks of Spring coming. There are things lying dormant in all this cold, but under the ground, God is working miracles that are about to burst forth. And so it is in our lives! Hold on to hope, friends. No matter how long the winter seems, no matter how muddy the ground and how stuck in the muck you might feel, Spring is on the way. Nothing can stop it. This is our God. And He is on His way to rescue YOU.

SPRING IS COMING
Steven Curtis Chapman

We planted the seed while the tears of our grief soaked the ground
The sky lost its sun, and the world lost its green to lifeless brown
Now the chilling wind has turned the earth hard as stone
And silently seed rise beneath ice and snow

And my heart's heavy now
But I'm not letting go of this hope I have that tells me

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
It won't be long now, it's just about here

Hear the birds start to sing
Feel the life in the breeze
Watch the ice melt away
The kids are coming out to play
Feel the sun on your skin
Growing strong and warm again
Watch the ground: there's something moving
Something is breaking through
New life is breaking through

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And it won't be long now, it's just about here

Out of these ashes, beauty will rise
Sorrow will be turned to joy
All we hoped for soon will appear
Out of the dark clouds, beauty will shine
All above in heaven, rejoice
Spring is coming soon
Spring is coming soon