Have you ever just felt "out of sorts" - perhaps angry, upset, bothered, depressed, discouraged - just not yourself? I've had one of those days today. When you have a day like that, doesn't it seem the silliest and pettiest things can just throw you right off the edge?

For me, the last straw today was a dentist bill. Not just any dentist bill. But one that they keep sending to me over and over - even though I keep telling them I've already paid it. Weeks ago I even faxed over the receipt as proof. So yes, a silly and stupid thing to upset me....but nonetheless, that's what pushed my button and sent me venting to my husband before bed. Tomorrow, I plan to make a personal visit to the office to try and clear it up. I want to stomp in there all angry and raise my voice...but I know that behaving like that really wouldn't show the world I'm a Christian! There's not a lot of love in that!!!

As I lie there in bed tonight, my mind was spinning with the events of the day, and the events to come tomorrow. Before I knew it, I couldn't sleep, though my body was incredibly tired. My mind was racing. It even seemed like my heart was racing. Suddenly, several lines from Keith & Melody Green songs came to mind, and something made me get out of bed and search them on YouTube so that I could listen to them again.

The first song that came to mind was "Create In Me a Clean Heart" - from Psalm 51. The line that rang in my head was "renew a right spirit within me." That's just it - I feel like something inside just isn't "right." I need the Lord to cleanse my heart of all the icky-ness, all the ugliness, all the anger, all the sadness, all the sorrow, all the residue of sin and my human nature....and to "renew a RIGHT spirit within me." I love the way it's put in The Message version:

Psalm 51:10-15

"God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise."

Another song that I was reminded of was "Make My Life a Prayer to You." There are so many great lines in the song, but the one in my head specifically was: "it's so hard to see when my eyes are on me." It's so true! I remember hiking the Himalayas ten years ago and forgetting sometimes to do more than watch one foot in front of other on the dirt in front of me. I had to force myself at times to actually look around me and see God's beautiful creation in every direction! I must have missed so much just keeping my eyes on me!

Keith Green's life and music made a huge impact on my life. I remember just sobbing in the back of a bus on my way to somewhere years ago (I forget exactly where now!) as I read his biography "No Compromise." It challenged me so as a worship leader and Christian to live a life of holiness, something for which Keith strived - having purity of heart & not just singing, but DOING the Kingdom things!

So, if I want to try to learn from the examples of many who have gone before me and see with "Kingdom Goggles" (thanks to Randy Butler for that phrase that will stick with me forever! I love you old VCC gang!)...maybe there's a reason I need to go to the dentist office in person tomorrow. Had I considered that perhaps God might want me to minister to someone along the way? Honestly, until a few minutes ago, I hadn't considered it at all! It simply seemed like a HUGE inconvenience in my ever busy and important life [YOUR LAUGHTER HERE].

Or, maybe the person who needs ministering to is ME! Maybe I just need to learn how to be more kind and patient and gentle with people - including the poor office gal who keeps contacting me for payment! Basically, the fact that I got so annoyed and upset about it proves I have a LOT to LEARN about walking with God in the daily grind. In the future, I want my immediate response - instead of being upset about having to drive over to that office tomorrow - to be a holy anticipation of what the Lord might want to do in the midst. I want to live with eyes wide open to to God's world around me, and I don't want to miss a thing!

Lord, for each of our lives - when we feel things are in chaos - break in with Your light and chase away the darkness. Come and make sense of the mess. Mold and shape us as we learn to be more like You. Help us to be willing vessels as we walk through this new year, as we walk through our tomorrows. As we struggle to be in the world but not of it, help us to show them we follow You by the love we express in practical and meaningful ways. We know we can only love You and others because You first loved us - so much that You sent your Son to save us from sin and death. Thank you for loving us so unconditionally. Help us all Lord to live our lives with "Kingdom Goggles" on this year, living long lives of joyful obedience to Your Word, Your will, and Your voice. Amen.

For those who aren't familiar with Keith's music, I thought I would share links to both songs from YouTube (below), as well as lyrics. I especially love Keith's encouragement after he sings "Make My Life a Prayer to You," when he says:

"Make it easier for Jesus to come back this next year by living the life He asked You to live..."

May that be true for all of us in 2009!

Prayers & Blessings,
Sheri

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Make My Life a Prayer to You (Melody Green)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd9MaBu3gAg

Make my life a prayer to you
I wanna do what you want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers no compromise

I wanna shine the light you gave
Thru your Son You sent to save us
From ourselves and our despair
It comforts me to know You're really there

Well I wanna thank You now
For being patient with me
Oh its so hard to see
When my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trust
And just believe what You say
Oh You're coming again
Coming to take me away

I wanna die and let You give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope You gave me
The love that set me free

I wanna tell the world out there
You're not some fable or fairy tale
That I've made up inside my head
You're God the Son and You've risen from the dead

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Create in me a Clean Heart (Keith Green)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rv16YUTCp9U

Create in me a clean heart oh God
And renew a right spirit within me
Create in me a clean heart oh God
And renew a right spirit within me

Cast me not away
From thy presence oh Lord
Take not thy Holy Spirit from me
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation
And renew a right spirit within me