"If you wake me each morning with the sound of your loving voice,
I'll go to sleep each night trusting in you.
Point out the road I must travel;
I'm all ears, all eyes before you...
Teach me how to live to please you,
because you're my God." (Psalm 143:8-9)

For the past 12+ years, I've basically been on staff at a church (all except for a six-month span when I was in YWAM). Each week seemed to go like clockwork...every Sunday morning service came around again at the same time. I pretty well knew what I needed to accomplish each day, what hours had to put in, what preparations were necessary for a job "well-done" etc. But these past few months have been a bit different for me.

When my husband and I looked at what the Lord was doing in my life, it seemed obvious I needed to take a season to focus on my cd release with Varietal Records. It was a bit scary to "quit my day job" and dive into these unknown waters. Suddenly, I found myself not "on staff" anywhere...but instead, functioning sort of as a "music missionary" who quite often travels to do what she feels called to do. When events come, with each one there is of course a list of to-do's and preparations to be made, and staying on task is simple enough in that case. However, when events slow down and I'm left with life at home...I'm finding it much harder to "stay on task!" There are incredible demands, certainly, but I am somewhat my own boss when it comes to how I live out each moment of each day.

For most of my life I was either in school, had a regular 9-5 day job, or served on staff at a church. This is really the first time in my life that for the most part, between trips, there is nobody telling me what I need to do each day. Sure, it can be nice sometimes...but sometimes it's almost harder for me than the alternative! I'm not exactly sure why that is. Maybe it's easier not to take responsibility for my own actions and just let someone else dictate them instead. I actually fight feeling "purposeless" a lot of days. I'm goal-oriented, and if a day is without a goal of some sort, sometimes it feels pointless to get up, get dressed, or do much of anything.

I started to write down a list of what I need/hope/want to accomplish in a week. Things as simple as laundry, planning meals, grocery shopping, paying bills, or getting exercise...and then things related to the ministry part of life - like songwriting, practicing instruments, vocal exercises, blogging, bookkeeping, reading, writing, etc. Finally there are the "extra" things in life I really enjoy - social events, entertaining friends or family, date night, hobbies, etc. Now to break it down to daily tasks - and to try and actually DO them on the day I intend! Way easier said than done!

I realize that most of my life I've spent in "triage" mode. Basically doing what "HAS to be done today, or it means severe consequences if don't." Perhaps it was because I was typically too busy to do much else than that. I mean, why else would I leave my filing for the entire year until April 1st when I know that taxes are due on the April 15th EVERY year, and EVERY year I tell myself I won't leave it such a mess to deal with next time!

Obviously procrastination is something a lot of us probably struggle with. We tell ourselves things like, "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?" But I know that it is a simple discipline that I need to learn - and continue to challenge myself to grown in. If I can't be more disciplined in getting my laundry done or cooking a healthy meal, than how likely is it I can be disciplined in reading God's word or spending quality time with Him?

When no one is looking, when no one cares....what do I do with my time? I think it is a true test of our character, of our motives, of our values, of what truly motivates us. I want my life to be motivated by my love for God, love for my neighbors, love for myself, love for my family, love for His glory, and love for His word. Thinking about those motivations makes me want to add more to my lists - like visiting the widow down the street, you know? If I'm truly motivated by those things, than it might actually shape my days in a whole new way. I don't want to become so focused on my "ordinary" daily tasks that I miss out on the extraordinary things God wants to daily put in my path!

Lord, I pray that as I learn this new discipline of "staying on task" that I will keep my eyes on what TRULY matters in the Kingdom scope of things. Help me to be responsible with my time, and diligent with my hands, heart, and mind. If I do need to put an ordinary daily task aside to spend a few extra minutes encouraging a friend or praying for someone who is sick...remind me that your Kingdom economy works differently than ours. I do want to stay on task...but I want those tasks to be YOUR tasks, and not just mine alone.

Show each of us Lord, how to order our day the Kingdom way!