I've enjoyed making it "home" and decorating, and am looking forward to having it full of friends and laughter soon. I even baked some chocolate chip blondies tonight. Wanna come over? ;o)

At the same time, I am processing this momentous loss, and the mixture of emotions as I attempt to both "let go & grab hold" is pretty crazy. I am striving so hard to let go of all the things I can't change, all the hurt, all the questions, all the wondering, all the painful memories...and grab hold of the future that God has for me. I want to press in to all that He calls me to, and all that He has purposed and planned, because I know He is bigger than my circumstances.

Ever been there? I'm sure you could fill in the blank with a gazillion questions that swim in your head each day as well as I could. As the questions swim in my brain most days, I know that I am most certainly "not perfected" in my pursuit of God - in fact I am quite a mess - but I press on nonetheless.

It's not a new thought, but I do think sometimes it is our greatest "shortcomings" that can "qualify" us for ministering to others, if you will. I think I will always have questions about why things in my life have happened the way they have. I don't know if I will ever fully understand, but I see the beautiful things that God is beginning to make out of the messes, and I know that He is still God, and He is still good. I know that other friends who have walked the painful road of divorce before me have been able to apply soothing balm to my soul again and again, and have helped me in such incredible ways in my own struggle and sorrow.

For those that have asked, I do continue to write songs these days as I have time and the occasional burst of motivation. They haven't necessarily been corporate worship songs overall, but they continue to be honest, and as I sing them to God and through the tears and questions...they are healing to me. Perhaps the Lord will allow me an opportunity to share some of them with you soon. I keep asking the Lord what He might want me to do with this little stack of songs piling up, if anything. Maybe they are just for Him.

As the beautiful worship song says, I truly have "none but Jesus" and no where else to turn. He is my reason for getting up each day, my reason for singing in spite of a broken heart, my reason to press on and dream. I know that as I lose my life I will actually be found more and more in Him each day, and that is my desire. I want to know why it is that Jesus laid hold of me, and I want to let go of everything else and take hold of that with all my might!

So why did Jesus lay hold of you?? I encourage you to let go of all the junk in your past - forget it! - and press on towards Him today. I am pressing in with you, friends! I look forward to seeing the Lord at work in and through each of you as you let go & grab hold!