So tomorrow marks one year since my divorce became final. Since last April 13th I have moved three times, gone through bankruptcy & burglary, started a new job, joined a new church, made many new friends, grieved the loss of others, picked up a new hobby (swing dancing, which has been a lot of fun!), started leading worship again, wrote about 15 songs, and started to record & share some of these songs with others - along with my testimony about how God walked me through the divorce. In the last couple weeks, I then watched my dear mom, Annette Keller, survive a pulmonary embolism only to find out that she has breast cancer the next day. Finally, yesterday we heard results from another test that revealed that the cancer has spread to her bones. Needless to say, it has been a shell-shocking year.

When friends ask lately, “How are you really doing?” the answer that has come out is something like this…

I feel like when I went through the divorce that a bunch of my insides were scraped out. I felt “hollowed out” on the inside. It was a painful process, but when it was over I felt like I could breathe more easily, and like it almost made more room for more of God in my heart and life. I didn’t think there was ever a time I could feel “thankful” that I had to walk through the divorce. But I was wrong.

When we took my mom to the hospital a few Saturdays ago because she had severe shortness of breath, we had no idea what the next two weeks were going to uncover. They found blood clots in her lungs, and said if she’d not come to the hospital that her heart would likely just have stopped that night because it could not stand that much pressure for very long, trying to pump blood through the clot(s). They then suggested she take medicine that night to break up the clots quickly so that her heart wouldn’t stop - even there at the hospital - but that this medicine comes with the risk of bleeding in the brain, or stroke. She opted to take the medicine, and the Lord protected her from a stroke as they held her in ICU for 24 hours, not allowing her to move at all, to keep a close eye. We are thankful for God’s mercy and timing in getting her to the E.R.

When they got that under control, they wanted to investigate what caused the blood clot(s), and it was soon discovered that she had breast cancer. What followed was days and hours of test after test, doctor consult after doctor consult. The scan of her full body took place last Wednesday, and we heard the results from the oncologist yesterday that there is also cancer on two spots on her low spine, as well as in both hips. He is recommending hormone treatments rather than surgery or chemo at this time, and they will continue to keep a close eye in the weeks, months, & years to come. Her primary care physician saw her today, and we were encouraged to hear him say, “Cancer is just a word. I believe your most healthy days are ahead of you.”

As I spent about 10 days in the hospital with my mom (dad and I taking turns), I would drive home at night to my empty house and there were several things that happened. When I felt terribly alone, the Lord spoke clearly to me, time and again, saying “I’m here.” When I questioned Him and asked, “What are you doing in this, God?” I felt like he clearly spoke, “I’m saving her life. I know it doesn’t look like it, but if you can trust me in spite of how it looks…what I’m doing is saving her life.” And finally, I found myself actually THANKING God in those moments that I had walked through the divorce before all this happened. It permitted me to be there for my mom in her grief in a way I don’t think I ever could have been before I’d experience this kind of dark hole myself.

Though divorce and cancer are completely different things, in our humanity when we face trauma, we have so many of the same responses….fear, disappointment, shock, anger, abandonment, loneliness, doubt, denial….grief. It’s horrible to stand by and watch your loved ones grieve, and yet I can say that I’m truly thankful that the Lord allowed me to grieve through the divorce so that I could confidently hold my mom’s hand through a cancer diagnosis. Only He could turn my horrible experience into something that could be a source of strength & hope. I've been clinging to some truth in this quote lately: "God does His best work in hopeless situations…my hope is based on a powerful-in-control God who defeated death itself” (Pete Wilson). We don't trust or hope in someTHING; we trust in someONE. Jesus.

I think these past few weeks I’ve felt more of that same “scraping away” at my insides, so much so that I wasn't sure at moments I could endure it. Though I feel even more hollowed out all over again, I sense now that there is increased room for more of Him. So difficult to walk through, but His nearness in the midst is such a gift.

Psalm 30 is a source of scripture that the Lord has used to minister to my mom these past few weeks. I actually heard her read it aloud from her hospital bed, through tears, on the day we found out she had cancer. I hope it ministers to each of you today in a new way. It is only His strength holding us up, and He is the only reason we are still standing firm. He is our Firm Foundation, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ…and we’re not turning back.

We will continue to pray for my mom's total healing, and for a hope and a future that only He can give. As I've heard her say numerous times these last few weeks, "Lord, my life is in Your hands."

PSALM 30

1 I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
6 When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
7 LORD, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.
8 To you, LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
9 “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
10 Hear, LORD, and be merciful to me;
LORD, be my help.”
11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever.

P.S. Some of you expressed that you didn't know I was divorced, sorry if that came as a shock. LOL. If you want to read some of that story, you can visit an old blog here: http://www.shericarr.com/sc/content/song-without-name

A year has passed since a conversation with a friend who nudged me (okay, maybe kicked me in the bum) to start writing songs again. He reminded me to not give up on my dreams, to keep living, to keep creating, to keep worshipping, to keep offering my gifts, to be honest in my writing about where I was at and what I was feeling, and to not lose hope. I opened my songwriting journal tonight and realized it was exactly a year ago TODAY I wrote the song that was the first of many to come in the months to follow: January 8, 2010.

SO here it is...a whole year later...and the same friend who nudged me to write a year ago (whom has gotten together with me on numerous occasions to hear said songs and help me polish them, finish them, write more of them together, and practice/perform them) left me a voicemail about plans being set in place to finally get them recorded. I am humbled all over again at the mercies of God, at His timing, at His perfect plans that the enemy cannot thwart.

Though I feel very much like these songs are just my humble little offering - my loaves and fishes - and though they don't seem like much to offer, I know that God is able to multiply my efforts if He so wills. It is just my job to offer what I have. And what I have are a few simple songs written along a painful path - songs which I hope can touch the hearts of others who have experienced loss, grief, and hopelessness in their own journeys as well.

As the New Year begins I truly feel like I have come out of a dark cave. I am holding on to this verse in Isaiah that rings so true in my heart: "Your sun will no longer set, nor will your moon wane; for you shall have the LORD for an everlasting LIGHT, and the days of your mourning will be over (Is. 60:20)." I am doing all that I can to invite His light into my life every day, to keep living, laughing, loving, writing, and singing.

We are a motley crew, those of us attempting to get these songs recorded. We have no label backing us or money to put towards it. But we have a lot of heart, and I see what I believe is the hand of the Lord in it. I am blessed with friends who believe in me, and that is such a gift.

I covet your prayers for us - for this humble gathering of songs, writers, musicians, engineers, & equipment - that the Lord would breathe life into every step of the process. It is for His glory that we press on to take hold of that for which He took hold of each of us.

Thanks for all of you who continue to follow my journey, to walk alongside me, and to cheer me on. I hope that it won't be too much longer, friends, until I have some recordings of these new songs to share with you.

May the Lord fill your life with LIGHT in 2011.

-Sheri

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Cor. 4:8-9)

"Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, God's Sunrise will break in upon us, shining on those in the darkness, those sitting in the shadow of death, then showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace." (Luke 1:78-79, The Msg)

As I take a few moments this Thanksgiving to reflect on the last year, I stand in awe of the “heartfelt mercies” of God that have been so evident in my life in this season. Through so much of the darkness & despair that I never imagined facing, I have been so blessed to see His sun rise again and again each morning. He has truly shown me the way, one step at a time, to a place of peace that passes my understanding.

I sit here surrounded by friends old and new today, and though there have been some tears shed over the parts of my life that have been loss, with each tear comes more and more healing, and more receiving of the new life He has given to me so graciously.

Last night I had the pleasure of sharing the stage with friend, songwriter, & worship leader Ryan Van Kirk at Rhythm & Hues Cafe in Marietta. We both shared some original music, played percussion & sang BGV's for each other, and were blessed to have the legendary Chad Russell with us, providing tasty licks on acoustic guitar. And not only that...but I also twisted my dear friend Diane Thiel's arm into singing BGV's and playing keys as well! A grand time was had by all. But to me personally, it was more than that. It was like I found my voice again.

"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:12-14)

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A few weeks ago I moved out of my folks' place (after 5 months there) and into a new (for now, temporary) apartment while in this crazy season of life - with the help of family and friends from my church. It has been WONDERFUL (thanks Bill & Amy!). From the first night here, I have felt so at peace, so at home, and the presence of the Lord just seems to be so near.

NOTE TO THOSE DIRECTED HERE FROM MY MAILING LIST ON 4/13/11: Woops! I gave you the same link twice in my email. This post below is about my divorce last year. If you want to read more about my musical progress recently, visit HERE: http://www.shericarr.com/sc/content/january-8th

So thanks to a friend's recent encouragement (and kick in the butt, thanks friend!), I sat down yesterday on an Atlanta "snow day" with my guitar, a keyboard, and my notebook...and the whole afternoon free. I didn't know what to sing or say after a long dry spell, but as my friend encouraged me, "Well, just write about that." I want to share the lyrics with you all (and it doesn't have a title yet, so I'm open to suggestions!), but first I wanted to talk about what led me here. Grab a cup of coffee, cause this might be a long one.

Hello Friends,

This has been a different season for me, and after a friend shared this prayer on facebook, I found it touching and helpful. For those of you out there for who find it's been hard to find the "joy" in Christmas this year, may you be reminded you're not alone. Let's join together to pray for many others who are also grieving or find themselves in difficult circumstances right now. This is certainly a hurting world, but we have a redemptive Savior, who is Christ the Lord!

I am thankful for so many of you who have helped bring joy back in to my life over these past few months. The Lord is near, that I know.

Praying you have a Blessed Christmas,
Sheri

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Christmas Prayer For Those Who Struggle During Christmas
by Katherine Walden
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Father God, I ask you to come to those whose hearts ache on your Son's birthday. Although they sincerely thank you for your greatest gift of all -- they are hurting and lonely. Father, let them know it's ok to express to you the pain and loneliness and frustration in their hearts. Let them know you are listening -- and care.

I pray for those who are single and who have no family -- who spend much of the holidays alone. Be with them in the lonely hours, help them not to feel marginalized during this season that places so much emphasis on 'family'.

I pray for those who are housebound and infirm and are unable to leave their homes or hospital rooms due to illness. I pray for those with loved ones that are separated due to work, weather, duty or other circumstances.

I pray for families who are struggling this year, financially and emotionally. I pray for desperate spouses who worry over their marriage. I pray for those children who are frightened and alone, who are in abusive situations or who sense the worry and frustration that their parents try to hide. . I pray for parents who have children who are ill in body; ill in mind or who are addicted to drugs.

Jesus, please come as Immanuel -- God with us, Jesus, please enter into each place, each home, each hospital room, each homeless shelter, each hotel, each jail cell, each place of business - let them know they are not alone. Holy Spirit, come as the Comforter, let your gentle, healing warmth sooth and bring solace to aching hearts. God the Father, come to those without family and remind them that you are their family. Show them your heavenly, attentive, fatherly love for them in a way that they can understand. I pray this in the name of Jesus -- who knows our sorrows and understands our hearts.

So out of the blue yesterday, a new friend of my husband gifted tickets to us he was unable to use for last night's U2 concert in Atlanta. I found out at 5pm that we were jumping in the car to head downtown! In the midst of a rough few months and weeks...what a gift from the Lord. My husband is not a *huge* U2 fan - though he can appreciate their music - but I am! I had never seen them in person before. What a treat!

So it’s been quite a while since I’ve blogged. It’s probably my first real case of true bloggers block. Every time I thought about blogging these last eight weeks, it just seemed like there was an emptiness, a void of any thoughts to blog whatsoever. Maybe it’s the pressure I put on myself to come up with something “deep” and meaningful in every blog - my inner perfectionist rearing its ugly head.

So a while back I asked you all for input on some cover songs to use in performance settings as a way to reach outside the church and use the gifts the Lord has given me...but I never told you which songs I chose or how that's been going!